Entries in over it (2)


We're done


I’m a pretty patient person.  I’ve been called flexible, strong and resilient.  Right now, I feel none of those characteristics. I’m at the end of my tether.  I am done.

For the past few months, I’ve tried hard to stay positive but I really can’t fake it anymore.

I’m over Winter.  So over it.

As a girl that usually loves the coldest months of the year, I feel sad to have turned on my old friend.  Unfortunately this old friend has stayed too long.  Way too long.  I need it to go.   Now.

My favourite season is usually a time of joy for me.  The opportunity to wear layers of warm clothing, wrap myself in coloured wool scarves and pull on thick stockings and boots.  Every day.

Waxing and shaving and pedicures aren’t as important.   At least not if you’re single.  (If we’re dating and you’re reading this, I’m talking about a friend.)

You can rug up in a giant coat, head out and catch up with friends, either sitting outside under giant heaters or in a cosy bar that has exceptional heating.  There’s spicy curry and piping hot pho … hot chocolate and red wine …  giant bowls of pasta or steaming sticky date pudding.  Warm food fills your belly and because you’re wrapped in layers of baggy clothes you don’t notice a few extra kilos from constant carb overloading and comfort eating.

Everyone looks good in puffer jackets.

When it rains you count your blessings for an office job.  Your trusty umbrella becomes a constant companion.  On the weekend, it’s a great excuse to stay in, drink coffee and binge on Netflix.  Uber Eats means you never have to leave the warm cocoon of your house.  Winter can do its thing outside as you watch it in awe through rain soaked windows.  

Beanies and gloves give you more reasons to accessorise, even if it does take you a few extra minutes to take everything off when you arrive at your chosen destination … then another ten minutes at the end to put it all back on again.  In Winter you don’t care.  It’s a ritual we all enjoy for three months.

Except this Winter hasn’t just rolled in and out in three months.  It feels like it started in March (supposedly Autumn) and is still here now …. allegedly Spring.  We’ve endured seven long months of Wintery weather – and as much as I’ve just highlighted all the great things about that time, I’m very much done.

It’s almost become a joke. The one thing every conversation is started with.  “God, how cold is it?  I’m SO over Winter.”   We nod in agreement.

Except for those lucky enough to escape for a few weeks to a warmer climate overseas.  Europe.  Bali.  Fiji.  Anywhere that has sunshine and blue skies.   The rest of us scroll through their endless post of Instagram photos, jealously wondering why we weren’t smart enough to book a holiday and get an instant injection of Vitamin D.   We sneer at classic hotdog legs on a beach photos as we turn the heater up a notch.  Done.  We’re all done.

No more grey skies.  No more temperatures in the teens that ‘feel like’ single digit figures.  No more storms or showers or rain.  No more of that bitter wind that cuts you in half with icy sharpness. 

I love you Winter, I really do, but you’re making us all depressed.  It’s too cold and wet to exercise outside.  I need fresh air and nature to be a better human being.  Sunshine makes me happier.  I want to eat salads and drink more water, but come on.  Would you be shoving lettuce in your mouth on a 9 degree day?  I don’t think so.  

So how about this?  You go and visit our cousins on the other side of the world, and once they’re done with you, say in nine months, you can come back and we’ll hang out again.  Deal?


What the Hell just Happ'nd?

There are some sad nasty people in the world.  This week, I met one of them.  We didn’t actually meet (thank God) but he did invade my world for 48 hours.  48 hours of confusion, intrigue, bizarre conversation and abuse.  It was my first experience of cyber shit. At the time it was foul.  Right now it’s kinda funny.

You need to try a dating app, a friend told me. I protested. I don’t want to date.  I’m not sure I want a relationship right now.  I just finished seeing a really great guy for a few weeks, realizing that a commitment is not where I’m at.   How could this be any different to what I’ve already done in the dating world? 

Curiosity killed the cat.  And my self esteem.  Briefly.  Off I went to check out this so called love machine.  I have friends who are now happy and in love after meeting that way, what if it did the same for me?  I just wanted to have a look around and see what it was about.

Within days a guy sent me a Charm.  That means he likes me and wants to get to know me.  According to the FAQ page.  I read his profile.  He looks interesting.  Photographer.  Builder.  Avid traveller.  Speaks three languages.  Likes good conversation, great coffee and nice wine.  This sounds like a guy that might be good to get to know.  I accept his request.

Hello Tanya.  Nice to meet your acquaintance. 

Hello A.  Thanks for your note. What are you up to on this balmy evening?

Him:  Watching ABC2, scoffing at the current political landscape and eating Belgian chocolate icecream.  What are you doing right now?

Me:  That icecream sounds way more fun than watching political quagmire.

Him:  We should meet up and have a drink.

Does he mean now or at some point in the future?  I’m new to this app so not sure if it’s only for instant hookups, or you can chat and go on a proper date down the track.   Let me suss him out with a bit of humour.

That could be awkward as I’m currently in my PJ’s replying to work emails.

Three days of back to back meetings are killing me.  I have about 450 emails to go through.  30 more minutes and I think I’m done.  So tired. 

Oh you’re one of those girls.  Not interested Granny Puss.  Go find someone else to talk to in your roulette of men.  By the way, you’ll never find anyone as good as me.  

Sorry?  What the f*ck?  Granny Puss?   Is he for real?  What did I say?   Wow, now I’m feeling really good. 

Me:  WTF?

Him:  You’re obviously talking to a lot of guys at once.  Not interested in anyone with combo conversations going on.  I only want to talk to someone one on one.

Me:  Not talking to anyone else.  You asked me what I was doing.  Apologies for a bit of light Sunday night banter. I’m new to this app and was finding my feet.  Thought you were an interesting guy with beautiful photos.  Don’t worry about it.

Okay, getting off this app.  What a jerk.

Oh LOL, Tanya.  All good.  People on here talk to lists of others at once. I’m not that guy. It’s a numbers game.  More hits.  More dates.  More opportunities. Granny Puss = unique cat.  I head off to my apartment n London next week but perhaps we can chat further once you get your PhD in men.  :)

Me: I don’t need a PhD on men.  I need a manual for Happn!  Also this site doesn’t show off my outstanding sense of humour.  So how many people are you talking to?

Him:  So you’re not new to dating?  I think I should ask you out for a drink.

I’m intrigued about this guy. What’s he really like?  I want to find out.  I think.

Me:  Go on then.  Ask me out for a drink.

Him:  Tanya, would you like to go out for a drink with me sometime this week?

Me:  Thank you for asking.  I’d love to go out with you for a drink.  I’ll check my diary and come back to you tomorrow with date options.  I have an early start in the morning so will say goodnight. Thank you for an interesting conversation.

It’s  nearly 1am.   I am tired and delirious.  Does this guy have a weird sense of humour or is he a jerk?  I really can’t tell yet.   But I’m definitely intrigued.

At around 11am the next day, he wrote to me again, asking when I was free.   At least he’s keen and following up.  Some guys take three days to return messages.

I tell him that I’m free Thursday. 

Great.  Meet me at Joey’s Bar.  Around 8pm.  See you then.

Me:  Done.  Now tell me a little bit about yourself so I have something to look forward to when I meet you.

Him:  I travel a lot.  Have lived in London, NY and Spain. Age 39. Speak Spanish, Japanese and Greek.  Close to family, happily married sister. Live around the corner from the house I grew up in. Creative, photography.  Was understudy to a Japanese Sensei. Hopefully that will make me an interesting date not just on paper. 

Me:  That sounds like a very full life.  Does it make you happy and thankful for it?  Also, you didn’t answer my question about how many people you’re talking to …

Him:  Send me your number and I’ll send you a screen shot.  

A screen shot?  Of what?  Is this going to be a dickpic?  Surely not.  I text him my mobile number to say hi.  Much easier than this stupid system.  Might help to work out what sort of guy he is. 

He sends me a shot of his Happn profile.  It shows a photo of me, another girl (aged 36) and Charlotte, the admin on the site.  

Him:  See?  Not the megalist of a player.  Doubt anyone else on this site is the same.  

Me:  Charlotte is two timing me!   (See I can be hilarious).

Him:  No she isn’t.  So.  Let’s have a look at your inbox.

I screen grab my notifications page which shows four guys – him, Barry (a seemingly nice guy) and two weirdos who have sent me charms.  

Didn’t even reply to the bottom two, I tell him.

Him:  Can I have a look at your message inbox?

I screenshot the inbox with two guys – him and Barry (seemingly nice guy).  

Are you paranoid or don’t trust me? I ask.

I don’t trust 47 year olds.  No.

Who the f*ck is this guy?  Is he serious?  Massive douchebag.  Shutting him down.  

Me:  Wow.  Remember how we started our conversation?  You’re doing that again. 

Him:  Semantics.  We may now proceed to courtship. 

This guy is weird. I don’t have the energy for this.  I have a stack of meetings and work to do.  Deleting him later tonight.

A few hours later, I log onto the site and he’s disappeared.   Great.  

I text him.  Not sure why.  Think I just wanted closure on the situation.  Confirmation we were done.  My bad. 

You deleted me?  Good idea.  We’re obviously not on the same page.  Best of luck!

Him:  Of course.  I have your number?  No need to chat on there.  What’s wrong with you?  We don’t need online dating.  Happy to put you back on?  But what for?   Thanks for the best wishes.  J

This is what I was afraid of.  Him not understanding that I’m not interested.  

A, you’ve now insulted me twice.  I’m hoping by mistake but I don’t know you so really not sure.  Perhaps our senses of humour are different but I don’t think we’re on the same page. Thank you for an interesting few days of conversation.  Hope your London trip goes well. 

I add a smiley face as a ‘no hard feelings’ offer.  Dating is hard.  I think you need to be nice to people.  He obviously doesn’t feel the same way.

Miss whatever your name is.  Because I forgot.  You are clearly insecure.  I measured this with this action and it is obvious that control is an essential hallmark to your solitary existence.  No fear.  I’m sure you will find something other than me to enact what you’ve clearly got going on.  All the best Granny Puss.  I guess the youngins are cheaper than Botox … (maybe not for you).

He also added a kiss three minutes later.  Obviously to say ‘no hard feelings’.  It made me laugh.  A lot.  What a poor, sad man.  Someone smashed his heart. Bad. 

If you are searching for love, keep your eyes open for a charming (?!) creative guy who loves good conversation (abuse) and travel (hopefully leaving the country for good).  Also, if he tells you he’s 39, check out his Facebook profile.  I’m not that great with maths but I’m pretty sure someone who finished school in 1985 is 48. (Yes, older than me, the Granny Puss).  A liar, and a f*ckwit.  What a catch.  Happn, you can jam it.